I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
