fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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