I accidentally had phone sex last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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