i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
