In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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