i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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