Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize