Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
