Porn is love you can see.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
