I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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