Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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