Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
