and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
