i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
