I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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