I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
