I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
