I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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