the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
