She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
