so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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