Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
