let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
