so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
