forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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