Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
