i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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