I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
