I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
