Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
