the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
