Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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