..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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