he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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