You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
