tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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