I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we made out on top of his cat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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