okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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