right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
