her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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