Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
