He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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