I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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