just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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