so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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