operation harelip BJ is a go
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
