I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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