Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Farmville is her only friend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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