If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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