The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
