Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
