It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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