I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
