listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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