We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
