God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
