M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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