Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
