I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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