Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
