Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
