Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
