i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize