apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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