like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
