I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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